Grateful to Be Here, But Still Processing: Survivor’s Guilt After Cancer

This post is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you're looking for support, we'd love to connect at 740-214-6443. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.

When people hear the words “breast cancer survivor,” they may imagine someone who has reached the other side of a difficult journey. What they may not see are the complicated emotions that can come with surviving. Gratitude, relief, fear, anger, sadness, and sometimes guilt can all exist at the same time.

As a breast cancer survivor myself, I have learned that surviving cancer does not necessarily mean leaving the experience behind. In some ways, survivorship can bring its own set of questions and emotions.

One of those emotions is survivor’s guilt. It can show up in a number of ways. It can look like asking yourself “Why me” or even “Why not me?” It can cause us to feel undeserving of happiness and normalcy. Someone may even tell themself that they don’t have the “right” to struggle because someone else might have it worse in their cancer story.

Survivorship can cause this strange emotional contradiction; we can feel incredibly grateful to be alive but simultaneously be grieving what cancer took from us. Unresolved survivors' guilt can additionally lead to anxiety surrounding reoccurrence, pressure to feel “grateful” all the time, symptoms of depression, difficulty adjusting to life after treatment and more. 

My own experience with breast cancer has taught me that there isn't one “correct” way to feel after cancer. I can feel grateful that my cancer was found when it was, grateful for the treatment I received, and grateful to still be here, and still experience fear, sadness, anger, or uncertainty. There can also be this tendency to compare. I have found myself thinking about other people whose cancer journeys looked different from mine and questioning whether I should feel as affected as I do. But one person's experience does not invalidate another's. 

As a mental health therapist, I also know that these emotions don't have to be navigated alone. Therapy can provide a space to process the parts of survivorship that don't always have a place in medical appointments; the fear, grief, identity changes, guilt, uncertainty, and questions about what comes next. Surviving does not require us to feel grateful every moment. It does not mean we have to minimize what we experienced because someone else had a harder journey. And it does not mean that difficult emotions somehow take away from our gratitude for being here.

During Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I think it is important to remember that awareness doesn't end when treatment does. Survivors continue to carry emotional experiences long after the appointments, scans, procedures, and medications are finished. Sometimes, surviving means learning how to live with both gratitude and grief, both hope and fear. And perhaps one of the most important things we can give survivors is permission to feel all of it.

If anything in this post resonates with you and you’re considering support, feel free to reach out. I’m Mya, a therapist here at Restorative Pathways. I enjoy working with individuals navigating life transitions, adjustment, and the many emotions that can come with difficult seasons of life. If you’re curious about counseling or wondering whether therapy might be a good fit, I’d be happy to connect and answer any questions you may have.